Record

+ ***’s Letter
When our bodies meet, ecstatic for a midnight’s madness,

My addiction and yours for something deeper than the big blue sea.

Swimming across turquoise dreams
Of my words and your symbols.

Oh, my love, I ache for your midnight embrace,

For your madness to consume me,

Like a whale swallowed whole by the waves.
With every kiss, I feel a quiet death,
As I walk upon the shore,

Free to be real again,

To hide my wooden nose from your knowing gaze,

And in your touch,

Discover longing once more—

Raw, aching, and beating,
In my soft, decaying brain. +

+D. is teaching me to box, now I have to learn how to dance+

+Bounce+

+ I want to make love with you lets do it now lets kiss i don’t care they don’t care +

+Nursing a stomach ache in Glasgow. This is my second time here, and it feels like a direct loop. Burns Night dinner at a stranger’s house. Touring the cloisters. Drinking Polish beer with the seaman and his fiancée. Watching the rushing waves from Kelvin Park. Then, there is a dance. Tonight, it’s FKA twigs for her new album. She only comes on for three songs and then bows out before getting the crowd to recite a prayer. I’m putting out fires on my phone at the same time. January is always hard. And always worthwhile, too. My patience for London is shot.+

+What’s your thoughts on gender segregation?
50/50
+

+She hid her face with an umbrella+

+Eating cow heart+

+1. Art doesn’t need to be interesting; it should just come from the heart+

+ It’s 10 am, and the street lights are still on in sleepy London. I’ve got a coffee from Cafe Alexandria, and I’m skipping rope.+

+To live as a youth today is to be homeless. Spiritually homeless. Emotionally homeless. Socially homeless. Sleepwalking to armageddon, but everyone wants it to happen; meanwhile, it won’t+

+At E.’s beautiful apartment in Notting Hill. No, I did not complete Dry January. I did quit the backy after David died. E.’s been ill and has fully recovered from drinking horse supplements. We all talk about the godless. X hates the godless; the truth is that we all are.+

+’The only way I could do that was if you had to do a little more work and I would be happy with it but you have a hard day to work and you know I don’t know how you can get that much work and you know that you can get a little more time off but you know that and you can get it and I know you have a good night I hope you’re having fun I know that but you have a great night I hope that you’re feeling good I hope that your sleep gets through tonight I love it and I’m so glad that you’re doing well and I’m so proud that you’re feeling much more rested I hope that I hope that I hope that I love to hear you and I’m glad you got some sleep and I’m glad you got a lot better and I’m glad you have fun I hope that you’re doing well and I’ll see me know I hope you’re feeling good luck and I’ll see if I can get better I hope you’re not too busy with the rest is good luck to me love and I’ll see if you’re doing well and I’m so glad that you’re feeling good morning I hope you’re having fun and I’ll see how you are you know I hope all the same good luck and good night and I’ll see if I hope you’re feeling good I hope you’re doing well and have have fun with the boys and girls love to you guys love to you and miss seeing your mom’Notes App generated text from M.M. & E.P’ commune dinner+

+GOD SAVE LONDON!+

+Tonight, David Lynch died. His lungs burnt up just like the trees in California. The news comes by way of a video of a parody talking fish On Instagram - just as he'd have intended. I'm on the way to the cinema. After the screening, at Waxy's, we're outside and the film colorist hands me one. This will be my last.+

+Ple Ca Vu at Brick Lane coffee shop, discussing M with Y. and R. and F.C. It's all fab until the usuals start playing fishing videos on the projector. Guys in Bengal rivrs with trophy trout as big as their arms, flashing them up the camera. Y. passes me a Double Happiness. Gifts from I.C's time in China. I'm thinking of somewhere else.+

+At Brick Lane coffee shop with I.S., and the evil is near us. It's so near, i want to grab it but Go won't let me. Not this time at least.+

+He's at The Jugged Hare. SHe's gone off to the toilet and he stares back at the menu. Dry January. A text from the group chat - lol. Soda water should fix this itch - it doesn't. Maybe that wrecthed 0.0%, no that doesn't either. He takes a sip of the tap water. What am I doing here?+

+Every day I spend in this wretched hellhole, is everyday that I see my life flushing down the drain.+

+2.17 am going to a big cinema for the first time in a few years, very depressing, very depressed. bad movie and badder crowd. I see why this business isn't viable, people suck and there's a small number of people who make things worse for everyone.+

+b2b dalston days of mizry and hope+

+Moving The table again in new conditions to F.'s. +

+Tarot +

+You only sing when youre winning b +

+Moving table from Bethnal Green with X. and I.C. So much can happen here b+

+Table read for the new film with V, Young Maestro and J. I'd love to dance soon. +

+If I had to choose a religion, the sun as the universal giver of life would be my god.+

+Hump Day in Moorgate. January, so it means that after the rain, there's no tourists, no cityseekers or Jack The Ripper fans, just the regular 4HL's emerging from the subterranean offices underground or the lofty glass cages in the sky to eat a slop bowl of grains, seeds, and advertised protein. The entire street is deserted, barring the Koreans who still shop at All Saints. He bought one too many Christmas gifts, so he's sat on a Lime bike with a backpack full of hot food from the Thai place. It's being charged by the minute, he better be fast; everything works by the minute in this town.

+Did I tell you that I missed you?+

+January means contracts, a lot of contracts, a lot of looking over legal agreements and optimisim, false or not. Looking at the end of the year in maxims that won't make sense until fully resolved..+

+French House, under rain with the boys from high school. A buddy of mine shows up and says he's getting married. No time ever feels just right, now is the best solution.+

+xx+

+Winter+

+We created another flowchart. Run away or face it all. But to face it, I need more courage. I'm afraid. I can admit I'm very afraid of everything.+

+We made a bet on if it was going to snow tonight, it looks like I'm going to win. I've never lost a bet yet.+

+Sushi with Young Maestro, discussing the evil of the world. We all have the propensity, the year is to embrace all the evil and all the good. All of it. Just dance all of it out in the fire.+

+Watching the fireworks pop and fizzle over the sea in Southend. The sound of the waves crashing against the docks, spraying us with sea foam and the smell of the salt washing over me. So many miles for this moment. So many memories to burn in the trash. So many more to be created in the windowpane. And I know that all that matters is tomorrow, that's why everything else isn't real.+